June 23, 2008 at 10:55 pm (Art, Things I Like)
Tags: Dandelions, Photography
I took some photos of these outside of my cabin (when I still lived there). I like to play around with pictures and so most of these are not exactly as I took them, but think of them as artistic renderings. I was really lucky to get them because it poured down rain later that day, and of course they were all beat up after that.
April 22, 2008 at 11:42 pm (Art)
Tags: Bird Art
Birds are apparently my new thing when it comes to art. The last 3 projects I’ve done have all been bird related. Here’s the latest – the result of more sleeplessness. 
(Click to enlarge.)
February 28, 2008 at 10:59 pm (Art, Christianity, God, Individuality, Painting)
Tags: Creativity, Music
My own post made me cry. Yes, it did. In a good way, though. I went back to read my, “Why the title?” post and realized that I have ceased to enact it. At least in my outward existence. It’s like I am hiding what I love (being creative) because I am afraid of it…afraid of being hurt by it as most people are who chose to live in mediocrity instead of chasing a dream. And that is what I have been choosing.
I have been in the perpetual state of “overwhelmed” for 4 months, which if you know me, you know is not like me. I’m usually pretty laid back. For the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to evaluate what needs to change to get me out of it. Hence the lack of posts, and then the obviously emotional one. I have been trying to dig deep. That’s always good, but sometimes it hurts and takes a little time to process.
I have realized that I limit myself. Just like I limit God. Mostly because I limit God. I act like I think He is not big enough to guide me somewhere that my creativity can be used, even though He is the one who gave me the heart that is bursting to do just that. The heart that I squelch and squash down in order to make sure I am also practical and smart. I have written before (mostly in my “Ambition” post) how my musical ambition was a hindrance to my relationship with God for a time, and how it brought me more pain than joy. My written response to that problem was correct, I think. However, my active response was not. My active response was basically to pretend the dream was dead. And then that same response moved on to any other activity that I had any desire whatsoever to do.
The fear of going back to that place has made me willing to try to do almost anything except for the things I really love to do. I’m pretty sure that is not how God planned for me to respond. He wanted me to realize that the dreams were superfluous to His plan; that He did not NEED me to do them in order for me to be used in His kingdom. I needed to stop basing my identity and my self-worth on them. But I took it to a whole different level. (I wanted to say “whole ‘nother” right there, but I used to get grammaticized for that – my term for grammatically corrected - when I was a kid even though Luke Skywalker said it to his aunt and uncle.) I took it to the level of eradication. God wanted to bring me back to a place of balance. But I could only really pretend for so long, I think. My dreams are not dead. I would love to be a musician, an artist, a whatever as long as it used some of this pent-up creative energy that was the cause (I think) of my recent “overwhelm-ed-ness”.
When I allow myself to think about finishing a song or my next art project as a reality, as something to do something with instead of something to shove under my bed or record onto my computer, my heart beats faster…my eyes light up. (I know they do even though I can’t see them.) I did a research study at a hospital one time where they had to monitor my blood pressure. I had been talking to the doctor the whole time, and then we started talking about my music…he made me stop because it was making my blood pressure rise. And this is what I have so tried to shove in a whole and pretend I don’t care about. I have been killing the most alive part of myself.
I’m sorry for trying to kill my dreams in order to avoid risk and rejection. This is what I was thinking about yesterday when I said that hope was the opposite of fear. My fear would not allow me to hope for anything at all.
I don’t know where I will go with all of this. In the past, I have always tried to forge my own way and this has always led me to desperation. I want to be prayerful and always conscious of God’s leading. I never want to get ahead of Him. But I know that I am not supposed to live in this box I have put myself in, and He never intended me to, so I have faith that He will show me the way out of it.
OK, I wrote this post last night, but I woke up this morning with a song in my head. It is not a song that I have heard recently, nor is it a song that I particularly like. But I decided to look up the lyrics since I could not get rid of it. It was a 4 Non Blondes song, and what’s funny is that I would have told you I did not know what the song was about, although I would have known the song. Amazing what your subconscious works out while you’re sleeping, apparently, because the lyrics are incredibly appropos (minus the getting high part – we’ll just say she meant high on fresh morning air). Here they are:
25 years and my life is still
I’m trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
I realized quickly when I knew I should
that the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
for whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out what’s in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath
And I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What’s goin’ on
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I say hey, what’s going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I say hey, what’s going on?
ooh, ooh ooh…
And I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time in this institution
And I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray every single day for a revolution
And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out what’s in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath
Then I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
what’s goin’ on
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I say hey, what’s going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I say hey, what’s going on…
25 years and my life is still
I’m trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination.
January 26, 2008 at 3:54 pm (Art)
Tags: Bird Art, Creativity, Room Divider, Tree Art, Window Wall, Winter Trees
I think I’m in love with my latest art project. My insomnia contributed to it getting much further along the other morning. It is quite possibly the most fabulous room divider I have ever seen if I do say so myself. And I do. I could not finish it before I left for work the day I worked on it in the middle of the night, but even not quite finished, it was hard for me to tear myself away…I just wanted to sit across the room and look at it.
Living in a one-room Cabin creates the need for much room division. Or at least it does for me. This room divider is between the living area and the bedroom area. Although the bedroom area is still completely open to the kitchen area, I don’t plan on blocking that off. I just wanted a little separation. My only other room dividing projects are to block off the laundry area and then something curtain like for when I have guests who like to take showers in private. Which would be everyone. You would think I would have worked on the shower area first, only I’ve been waiting for my landlord to put the washer and dryer in because it would affect what I was going to do. Now it’s all in, so I can begin formulating a plan. But that’s for another post.
This post is about my super-fabulous living room/bedroom divider. I finished it today, so you even get to see some pictures. I’m not just going to tantalize you with telling you how great it is. I know you would have lost sleep over that.
This is, obviously, the living room side. I have not even begun or conceptualized what I will do on the bedroom side yet. I have had the idea for a room divider made out of old multi-paned windows for a couple of years, but never had any need for a room divider before now. Funny how I created a thing in my head that I had no need for and now I need it, and happen to have a friend who remodeled his house, took all of these great windows down and gave them to me free!
This room divider has been quite the process. I’ve tried different things and changed it several times. I filled the panes with 2 variations of what is up now that I did not like so I took them back down, and you are looking at the second piece of artwork for the center.
However, in some respects it was kind of a miracle that it all came together as nicely as it did. Initially, I was thinking I would hang it from the ceiling and then I realized that it would be ridiculously heavy. At least for hanging it from the ceiling. So, I decided I needed to have some kind of posts on the end to support the weight, and just happened to run across some in a consignment store. Who would have porch posts in a consigment store that are exactly what I need? Well, apparently, Classic Consignment, because they did. These posts were exactly the correct amount of worn out. I don’t say “distressed” because that is when you do it on purpose; “worn-out” means it happened naturally It also happened to be exactly the right heighth that I needed Well, you wouldn’t think anyone would have that and I wasn’t even looking for them and they were just there staring at me. And they were cheap, too.
Also, when I measured it out, the three windows on the bottom row plus the two posts came within an inch of where the carpet ends and the tile begins, making it exactly long enough to divide off the entire room area and not stop in an awkward place. What are the chances? I had not pre-planned the length at all.
So, then came the hardware. The hardware store had exactly the number of hinges/brackets that I needed in each type that I needed. I mean exactly. I cleaned them out of the particular items that I was buying. And then the screws…I did not count the screws, because there were over 200 screws needed for the brackets I bought. So, I just grabbed a whole heck of a lot. Guess what? When I got down to the end, I started worrying I did not have enough screws because they were looking a little low. So, I counted them. I randomly grabbed EXACTLY the right number of screws for the hinges & brackets I bought. Did I mention that there were over 200? Again, what are the chances? And I am not joking. I know you think I am probably making that up or maybe I had one extra or something. No, I seriously mean that I had my screw to bracket ratio exactly matched up.
Then came putting it together…the only uncanny thing during this process was that when I set the artwork over the three bottom windows to attach it to them (I had already attached them to each other), when I went to measure to get it centered, and I had randomly placed it exactly centered above them. Exactly. I didn’t have to move it a millimeter.
So, then the only other thing I can think of worth mentioning is the corner brackets on the sides. I have had those for several years without a use for them. They came off of my parent’s porch. I kept thinking they would be cool for something one day, but did not even have a plan in mind. Well, I was going around some shops one day thinking I would get a finial or something to go on top of the posts to kind of finish it off, when I noticed some corner brackets they had at this one particular shop. And it hit me. I didn’t need finials. I had those brackets that were, again, just old and worn out enough to match the style perfectly.
I learned two things while creating this:
1) I really, REALLY need to invest in a drill.
2) Exacto-knives are my friends.
And voila! There is my room divider!
September 16, 2007 at 6:05 pm (Art, Painting)
OK, sorry it’s been so long since I updated. It’s been a while since my brain updated, too, so don’t feel left out. I’ve been quite busy. See, I took 5 days off one week, and then the following week, as Murphy’s Law denotes, of course, none of the people who usually require my random free-lance services seemed to need any services. This resulted in an extra un-planned week off of work, which resulted in Connie scrambling to pay her bills. It follows that in that state, when work is offered, you take it. So, for that week I was down on cash, I scheduled every job that was thrown my way, with no regards for how many hours that meant I would be working in the following weeks. I didn’t count, but it was a lot…for the next 2 weeks. Then, this past week, I realized I had enough money again, so I didn’t book as much work, but my regular life had fallen into such disarray (shopping, errands, cleaning) by this point that I spent all of my extra time that week catching up. Besides the fact that I also joined my boyfriend’s mom for a garage sale (meaning I had to go through everything I own, pack it, price it, etc.) And so we come to today…I was supposed to sing on the worship team at church this morning, so I was supposed to show up at 8:30. Well, I fell asleep at my babysitting gig last night (after the kids went to sleep as well, of course) with a scratchy throat and watery eyes. It appears that I was not only exhausted, but getting sick. I woke up this morning all stopped up and very tired (not at the babysitting gig…I did get up and come home when the parents arrived). I “called in” to church…skipped out on the worship team. I stayed home instead hoping that a day of nothing would restore my immune system. I always get like this…I really am apparently not meant to over-work. I don’t know how people do it. I seriously cannot handle it mentally or physically.
Wow, that was a really long and unnecessary explanation of where the heck I’ve been. This blog is supposed to be about my completed art project that I have so neglected in unveiling for you. We have these quarterly art shows here that anyone is allowed to enter a piece in, and so it was in that show this past Friday night. These shows are not much of a sales venue. Generally, only about 6-10 pieces out of 60-80 are sold. So, I don’t feel bad that I’ve never sold a piece there. It’s still fun.
Here are a few pictures of my piece. I was very pleased with the results…fun, yet somewhat sophisticated. I was almost more excited about building the frame than about the artwork inside it. But then the frame would be pointless without the art, so, by nature, it must still take second priority. Anyway, the background of the piece is painted, but everything else on it is made out of tissue paper.
And this is so you can see a close-up of my framin’ job.
August 28, 2007 at 6:36 pm (Art, Cat, Funny, Painting, Pets)
His name is Leo, and he’s kind of a character. I think he’s pretty smart for a cat…I have to have child locks on my kitchen cabinets, because he knows how to open them and likes to get in there and sleep with my pots. I don’t like furry pots – hence the child locks. He goes on water strike if I will not put a pitcher of water on the floor for him to drink, even if he has a full water bowl. I made the mistake of putting the pitcher down on the floor one day while I was watering my plants, and since then, he will not drink out of anything else, except sometimes the faucet in the bathroom sink. If I take the pitcher up, he stands in the kitchen and meows when he gets thirsty. Leo has had many close brushes with death, the most expensive scariest being his dog fight resulting in a collapsed lung and multiple puncture wounds. He’s also had a severe allergic reaction to his vaccinations resulting in swelling to a size much larger than his already gigantic 16 Lb. cat frame, and he’s been stepped on, resulting in a broken leg and surgery to put a pin in…and follow-up surgery to take the pin out. You get the point. My “free” stray cat has literally had more spent in medical expense than I have in the 8 1/2 years I’ve owned him.
But, as most pet-owners, I believe he is worth it. He’s been with me through 4 moves, and lived with my brother & sister-in-law for a year. I taught him how to use the toilet once, and, yes, he actually did it. But only for a few weeks. I don’t think he liked it, so he stopped, and being an indoor/outdoor cat, just started holding it until I let him outside, which was also fine with me. I just didn’t want to deal with a litter box anymore.
I’m bringing him up because I wanted to tell you how he decided to “help” me with my art project last week…so sweet – him taking an interest in my life. He is actually usually pretty good about staying out of the way while I’m working, except for the time he stepped in oil paint and then continued walking through the house before I realized it and the time he started chewing on one of my smaller paint brushes, and broke it in two. But really, he usually doesn’t take that much of an interest. Not so with my latest project. Apparently, my materials were intriguing to cat intellect.
First, he was trying to sharpen his claws on the trim I bought for building my frame (as discussed in my Art Projects post). This was, of course, dissuaded by me. Then I had several sheets of tissue paper out, and he thought he needed one. I gave him some newspaper to distract him, and put it across the room (although across the room is not very far in my house). This worked for a few minutes. Then, he decided that in addition to the pitcher on the kitchen floor, the bowl of water I had been rinsing my paint brushes in for two days was a good thing to drink out of. Then, I had my painting laid out on the floor, and he thought he needed to get on it. Repeatedly.
I finally resorted to opening the linen closet, with which he has an obsession, and letting him get in there. That worked until I got things to a point that I could pick them up off of floor. I usually don’t let him get into the linen closet, because he likes to sleep behind the towels, and he has been mistakenly closed in there for full days more than once. Besides the fact that I also do not like furry towels.
So, here are some pictures of my cat, further displaying his quirkiness:
As most cats do, he loves to get into boxes…mostly he likes to attack people from inside them.
And he likes to get into boxes even if he doesn’t fit into them…I tried to tell him.
Evidence of his obsession with the linen closet:
He likes to sleep like this, but it looks like he has full-on rigormortis:
And he thinks he is a person, and likes to sleep like this, using my headboard as a pillow…ok, ok, I made the bed up around him. I couldn’t resist. But otherwise, he really does sleep like this.
And this is a pretty normal picture of him sleeping in the basket he usurped as his permanent bed after refusing at least 3 store-bought cat beds. I thought he would get tired of it, but it’s been over 2 years now, and he still sleeps in it regularly.
And that’s my cat.
August 24, 2007 at 8:51 am (Art, Painting)
It was pointed out to me recently that I seem to enjoy doing the crafty part of art projects more than the painting. I started considering this, and realized it was true. I have the most fun with my paintings when I am doing more than just using paint and a brush, like the time I put cheesecloth over the canvas before painting, and then pulled it off when the painting was done, so there is this cool criss-cross pattern on the painting. I do project-type things a lot, I have realized…the art above my bed is a collage I made from a book of old movie posters, the art in my hallway is a garden trellis with Picasso prints mounted on wooden panels, and hanging from the trellis at various heights. You get the point. These are the things I really have fun doing.
Like the time I wrapped the big bouncy ball I bought for my niece and made it look like a giant lollipop:
Or like the time I turned this couch:
into this one:
Or like the time I made a glass mosaic border with salsa jars & dressing bottles and built the frame for this painting:
Or like the time I tied these bamboo sticks together with twine to make my dried flower rack:
Or like the time I painted this kids table & chair set for my boyfriend’s mom’s flower shop (although I discovered later that I need to research painting metal because it ended up all peeling off):
My point is that I have decided that I should try to incorporate this type of thing into my paintings more, and I think they will be better. That being said, I am working on a yet undisclosed project which I am super excited about. All I will say is that it involves turning this trim (which is two different types & full lengths of trim if you can’t tell from the picture):
into a super silver antiqued frame for a new piece I’ve been working on. I’ll post a picture of the whole thing when I’m done. It wouldn’t be the same to show you an unfinished work. My duplex neighbor/handyman has been rebuilding the laundry room that we share on the back of the house…maybe he’ll have his mitre saw out so I don’t have to use my stupid plastic box mitre saw. That would be fantastic.
August 8, 2007 at 12:15 pm (Art, Jobs, Painting)
As I said before, I’m getting a little bored with the day-to-day routine, and trying to think of ways to not have to “go” to work.
I’ll do commissioned works if anyone is interested. There are a few samples of stuff I have done in the past at the bottom here. (Sorry about the weird sizes…I apparently still have no idea how wordpress really wants you to put photos in your posts. You can, at least, click them for a larger image.)
I would have to charge a non-refundable downpayment up front for supplies, varying based on what you wanted, but this would give you the option to refuse purchase if you were not happy with the final result. Shipping charges would obviously have to be added as well.
As far as my style goes, I do not consider myself a “realist.” You’re not going to get a painting that looks like a photograph. They are more interpretive, and I can do paintings based on photos or I can do abstracts, given the parameters of what you want or examples of what you like.
I can give you more examples of my art if you would like to see, or if you have a myspace account, I can direct you to mine so that you can look at them there.
Anyone interested?
Crossing: An abstract painted for my brother & his wife. Ask about the symbolism if you’re interested.
Ethereal: Painted for my sister.
Fishing: Painted for a friend and based on a photo.
Martha Graham: Based on a photo of Martha Graham, a dancer. Also with a little bit of symbolism if you’re interested.
My Niece: A portrait of my pixie-niece. Based on a photo.
My Sky: An abstract horizon, painted as if in wide-screen format.
Sunflower Bouquet: Loosely based on a photo of the bouquet sitting in front of my mirror.
Jazz: Painted by request for a friend’s recording studio.
